Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Ethical will 4: Listening

OK, boys and girls, time to get back to our lessons. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is a highly developed skill that is rarely found among others...the ability to actively listen.

I'm sure you've heard the expression "you can't learn anything when your mouth is in gear" or something to that effect. If you can focus on who or what you are listening to instead of your internal chatter you will live a much more interesting life.

For example, try listening to the morning sounds outdoors instead of the news and weather...much more interesting. Listen to little children at play...chances are you'll learn a lot about their environment and even your own behavior if they are your children.

Try no tv, radio, music for a week and listen to silence. The odds are you will better know what you are feeling, thinking about the current issues in your life.

But the most important listening is to others. If we listen to what others are saying with our full attention (not thinking what we want to say next) our relationship with that person will improve 100%. Really. The two things we all want most out of life is to be loved and to be listened to. Active listening is a skill that gets better with practice. There are books written about it (I can't remember any off hand, so google it).

And it is critical if you love someone and live with them. Let them know after you've listened that you heard what they said. I know. It sounds very simplistic and trite.
Some of life's lessons are just that, but that doesn't mean they aren't true.

2 comments:

Patty said...

I agree 100%, however not the easiest activity to master. Rich often says - God has given us two ears and one mouth - get the picture?! I'm really trying to master listening, and for one such as I, who talks thru her day, it has been a challenge. I'm not giving up!

Unknown said...

Yes, listening is critical and can be a highly fulfilling, and at times, charged experience. I especially find that it is most powerful if I can listen to the items or conversations that I DO NOT really want to hear -- sometimes painful, sometimes maybe in my mind "not true" but most times very genuine from the other person. I think you have to get there in order to move ahead and know where the other person is and how they are interpreting or feeling in their world. What is it that they say, life is 90% perception, right? Well, I need to be listening to understand and try to make sure that I am living in the same world with others -- well, at least the other 3 in my household. On some days - UGH! Exhausting! but worth it i guess :-)