Steve and Robin are getting married this Saturday and I thought I would share with them my top ten rules for marriage. (You think I didn't learn anything just because I wasn't good at it? We learn more from failure sometimes than from success).
Anyway this is a work in progress (Saturday morning is deadline) and I welcome your input all you married people out there. Anything you would add?
Charlene's Top Ten Rules for Marriage
10. Don't belittle each other in public
9. Never say a critical word about the other's relatives
8. Share the work of maintaining a home
7. Plan fun things to do together that meet both person's needs
6. Allow each other private alone time
5. It helps if you share the same goals in life
4. When there are problems, you both need to work on them; it is never just one person's.
3. Don't expect the other person to make you happy; only you can do that
2. Be willing to work on your own personal growth
And the number one rule of marriage:
1. Be each other's best friend always.
DISCLAIMER: The above in no way reflects on former husbands; I take full responsibility for determining any and all statements as they apply to my own behavior, although my guess is that said formers after years of reflection may agree with most of the list.
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4 comments:
Other thoughts:
1. Don't expect the other person to read your mind - you'll only set yourself up to be disappointed because 9 times out of 10 they had no idea what you were thinking.
2. Be a good listener.
Here's how I would revise momma's list:
10. Don't belittle each other in public
Don't belittle each other. You can criticise each other's actions, but there's never a justifiable reason to belittle someone you love.
9. Never say a critical word about the other's relatives
Unless you agree...
8. Share the work of maintaining a home
Or at least have a spoken understanding of who's doing what work.
7. Plan fun things to do together that meet both person's needs
Doesn't necessarily need to be at the same time, as long as there is quid pro quo
6. Allow each other private alone time
and be willing to say, 'I need to be alone'. Don't just go running off...
5. It helps if you share the same goals in life
not sure on this one.
4. When there are problems, you both need to work on them; it is never just one person's.
aye, but sometimes it's one person's issue. in that case, the other person needs to be willing to address it.
3. Don't expect the other person to make you happy; only you can do that
however, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to make the other person happy
2. Be willing to work on your own personal growth
agree
And the number one rule of marriage:
1. Be each other's best friend always.
i don't know about that. you should be GREAT friends, but i don't know if they need to be your best friend.
Both of you: I like your additions and will add them to my list.
It helps to hear from your own generation, but I think these things don't change.
Here's my addition:
4. Communicate
3. Communicate
2. Communicate
I have seen relationships go down in flames because the two people never communicated what their expectations about marriage were. CilliC and I talk all the time- and if one of us thinks something is bothering the other, we ask- even if the answer no, I'm just quiet today or I'm just preoccupied.
#1- tell/show your spouse/partner how much you love them. CilliC and I say "I love you" to each other multiple times a day (in different mediums too- verbally, texts, e-mail). It doesn't makes it less meaningful to hear I love you frequently like some people say- it makes me feel special every time he says it. He also shows it too- by paying attention to me, hugs, kisses, etc. THis rule doesn't mean that you have to be super demonstrative all the time- but make sure your spouse knows that you love them and care about them (and if you don't, maybe it's time for some couples counseling).
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