Bon Voyage

Well, I am packed; house is ready, limo due in 30 minutes. It is always strange to take off for a trip when I am alone...no one to say goodbye to and all that, so am doing my ta-ta electronically.
I'm looking forward to being in Albany, seeing Barak Obama, spending time with "Barb and Carl, and listening for clues to my new directiion in that order. I printed out my ticket yesterday and upgraded to Economy Plus ( more leg room) so am hoping the knees don't present too much of a problem.

Weather forecast includes thunderstorms so I am hoping we get out ahead of that. Trying not to obsess about that for which I have no control. Still at a struggle at my age, imagine.

I am not taking laptop so will not be blogging for a while, not that I'm sure anyone's reading this.

Want to laugh?

Several things yesterday got me thinking about something I am missing and that's being around people who know how to take life with plenty of laughs. The Beguhns were in town and I had lunch with them. That included a lot of laughter, as being with Kay always does. And it is the best medicine around. It was great to see her.
I realized that's one of the reasons I enjoy Rich and Patty so much; there is always a lot of laughter. Same for my sons and wives.
It's not that these folks don't take life seriously (they all do) but they bring an attitude of joy to their relationships with others and are not just focussed on themselves and their problems. Too many people in my life take themselves and their problems too seriously. And I am not suggesting they should change. That isn't how it works.
What I am suggesting is I need to seek out and spend more time with the laughing people.

Ethical Will 2: Attitude

Our continuing saga of life lessons learned and oh, if I could only pass them on to my sons.

You do control what attitude you take toward life. You do control your behavior based on those attitudes. THAT'S IT...THE ONLY CONTROL YOU HAVE! You have no control over what happens to you, what family you're a member of , who your parents are, the weather, the guy driving in the opposite lane coming at you, the malfunction of certain body parts, the government of the United States, the habits and behavior of the person you live with, and after a few early years even what your own children believe. Humbling, huh?

The real hard part? Accepting the above truth and living life accordingly. That means accepting the other people in your life just as they are (you aren't going to change them) and owning the fact that how you react, your attitude and behavior, is the most important factor in determining your own happiness. That's correct. Nobody else is responsible for your happiness. Only you can decide to celebrate the gifts you have and take joy in what life offers you. Your call entirely.

I'm not sure why this is so difficult for us, but it is. We want to feel like we are in control. But think how hard it is to change our own habits/behavior...like dieting for example! What deludes us into thinking we can change a marriage partner or even US foreign policy?

The good news here is once you really learn this truth you can let go of so much frustration and anger and worry...it's beyond your control! Live with it. It's good for you. Better mental and phsyical health.

Here's to letting go!

Transition time

I will make every attempt to avoid discussing this disgustingly poor performing body, I promise.

It dawned on me this morning why I am wanting to back off from all my positions of leadership and quit being responsible for so much. It's one of those transition times again in my life. You know that feeling that someone is trying to get your attention but you keep on plodding along? Just recently I have been getting the message that I am at a point where I've done my civic duty and it is time to move on. It's easy to just say that I'm getting older or I have Parkinson's but the reality is much more than that.

And of course the scary part about transitions is that time spent in the middle when the old is cut away but the new has not taken shape yet. I don't know what my "reason to be" will be in this next stage, but I am definitely getting ready for something new. And it won't involve sitting on a governing board!

I am so cranked up for this trip to Hartford/Albany; I'm getting hints that tell me I may find my new course at the General Synod. I hope I can stay open to any and all hints.

Who is this old woman?

When I was very young I used to be able to "leave my body" and watch myself from the perspective of a corner of the ceiling, for example. ( I was involved with a lot of parapsychology stuff as a teenager; probably trying to escape ny reality). Lately, I've been experiencing something similar but now I don't recognize what I see as me. Now I see this old woman, posture gone to hell, limping along with the bad knee, moving ever so slowly, running out of steam much too quickly, and, oh yes, about 30 lbs overweight. Who is this woman? Do I have to claim her?

She frets about the little stuff; forgets the grocery list when she goes to the store; falls asleep when reading a book; knows every public toilet on the route she takes for any trip; and she has becme obsessed with her will and disposing of her stuff when she's gone. That's my observation from the corner of the room, anyway.

From the inside looking out, however, nothing much has changed. I still think I can run any organization or business better than the one doing it; still think that I should be able to sit up til midnight reading a good book; still think I should be out there pruning and weeding this huge perrenial garden that is turning into a jungle, and , of course, eat and drink anything I want.

Hard to reconcile these two Charlenes. Is it possible I am both? But who is that old lady?

Update on the knee

When I walked into O.A.K. (the local orthopod monopoly otherwise known as the money machine) this afternoon there was Al Deepeveen waiting to see Smit (my doc) for the same reason I was there. If you have to wait in a Doctor's office you couldn't have better company. I don't know what Milt did for him, but I got an injection of some new lubricant that is made from the combs of roosters; I kid you not! I am scheduled to get one of these grease jobs the next two Mondays, theoretically enabling me to go out East for 10 days without having to crawl from place to place. Then when I return we will most likely schedule surgery. Which I hope does not mess up my plans for Saugatuck trip, but that may be asking a lot. Ain't we got fun?

Alone

Today has been one of those rare days that I have spent totally alone. Dotty is up north helping her kids paint the new house and I have not had phone calls or emails from anyone. Hard to imagine that I lived here for eight years alone because it seems so strange now. A good strange, but strange.

I have always craved more time alone than I ever had. I like the freedom of it, the quiet of it, the peace of it. I wouldn't want to experience it every day, however. I wonder about all the older single people who do live alone; I can see how easy it would be to become eccentric.
I am glad that I had the bright idea to share this house with Dotty, even though we occasionally get on each other's nerves. Sometimes I think I should start a national movement to encourage older single people to share their homes. Think of all the positive that would come of that.

How would I start such a movement? First, write up our story and see if the media would be interested. Put together a presentation and take it out to groups of seniors. Write letters to talk shows suggesting this as a topic. Put together a fact sheet on the benefits...financial, legal, etc.

I just may do this! Good idea or not?

Forgiveness

( When I started this blog I said I wanted to write my ethical will in order to pass on to my sons what I value most and believe in. Finally, I am starting that process with my first entry.)

Ethical Will: Forgiveness

There is no more valuable gift than forgiveness. It is at the heart of what it means to be compassionate. And once you have learned the process it actually becomes easier over time.

Ghandi said that the weak are unable to forgive; forgiveness comes from strength of character. But the strongest argument in favor of forgiving is the gift it becomes to the one who forgives. Anyone who has struggled with this can tell you that harboring ill will, anger, resentment against someone who has wronged you only harms you. Chances are the other person is totally unaware of your thoughts (or even unaware that you f eel wronged).

But hanging on to that negative stuff is to keep it active in your mind and body. It has been likened to drinking poison on a daily basis. It doesn’t harm the other; it harms you. It keeps you emotionally stuck in the past. It holds you back from enjoying the present. And it can literally make you sick.

How do you forgive? You let go. Literally. You let go of the negative feelings. You dismiss the importance you’ve attached to your object of anger. You take back your power over your own emotional state. And you acknowledge that the one who hurt you is not a demon, but a flawed creature, as you are.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting or approving what wrong was done you. It simply means that you give yourself a release from that negativity that eats away at you. It gives you renewed energy for the present. It gives you an inner peace that helps heal your soul of its wounds. It increases your capacity to love. What greater gift could you possibly give yourself and those around you?