I have no patience with public gatherings anymore. All the Parkinson books say don't become a recluse. Maybe my feeling this way is connected to that. I only know I don't want to make anymore small talk. There is just so little time left that I want to spend my time either with meaningful people or alone with my computer writing or with a book.
I am looking forward to ending my St Mary career and all the social obligations that go along with t hat. I particularly don't want to spend any more time chatting with people I don't like. Sounds like I am going backward in my socialization skills, but I think I'm really progressing towards more authenticity.
We've all known old people who were labeled "characters" or "eccentric" because they said and did whatever they felt like, not what was expected. That's my new goal. Watch me become one of them! Should be fun.
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Did you see the movie Vanity Fair? I LOVE the older lady (the rich aunt) in that movie... I can't remember her name, but she was like that - said whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. Very witty. I think I'll probably be like that when get old and don't care what anyone thinks of me... I'm not too far from that now actually. Not sure that's a good thing or a bad thing? Anyway - should be fun.
I can understand your feelings of not wanting to waste time with things that aren't important to you. I think that often we spend a lot of time doing things that really aren't necessary in our lives because we are "supposed to" rather than because we want to. I completely support wanting to ensure that you focus your time on things that are important to you. I know that when I realize that I have been "wasting" too much time not doing the things I really want, I get annoyed with myself.
However, I also understand that sometimes what is "wasting" time at one point is not at another. It's a matter of being aware of what your needs are at the time. For example, sometimes I need play computer games to relax, but sometimes it's an avoidance technique and feels like a "waste" of time. I just need to be aware of what my current needs are to figure out what is important and what is just passing time.
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