Last night was my final church council meeting as President. Slowly but surely I am letting go of my extra curricular responsibilities. This is a big step for me, silly as that may seem. I have been involved and usually in charge of so many governing bodies for so long, at least 25 years, that it is part of who I am and how I define myself.
And this is something I want to do and need to do, but I wonder if I would give it up so willingly if I didn't have the Parkinson's.
We all tend to define ourselves with the titles or positions we fill at work or as volunteers. And other people define us that way too. I can tell how differently certain people treat me at the hospital now that I am not the Chairman, but just a board member. And 2008 is my last year at that too.
So what are my titles now? Nana is the most important one. Mom still sounds good to me. Friend has become more important. But these days I increasingly refer to myself as an old lady, to which everyone responds with denials. No matter that it is true. Being old is part of the journey and entitles me to do what I want, say what I want, and use my time left as I want.
Besides if people my age don't step aside and let younger folks take over we are denying theme their turn. My future is a hell of a lot shorter than my past at this point, and I want to coast a while and just be me.
So will I chair your committee or take a seat on that board? No, I am much too busy being me.
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