Everything's changed

It seems dramatic, I know, but since MaryJo's death everything has changed.

Perhaps it was the first time I have experienced the death of a contemporary that I felt so close to. Or maybe it was the realization, too late, that she was such an important part of my life. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we (book club) are have been together so long and are so close without really expressing that feeling; being so close means that we each know how many of our friends are feeling the loss too.

Whatever the reason I am aware that there is a very large number of people out there who mean a great deal to me and I don't want to wait until their funeral and tell their families that without having let them know. Not that I want to get all mushy or sentimental or overly friendly to the point of discomforting people. I need to find a way, though to say "you are an important part of my life, you mean a great deal to me", even " I love you" to the dozens of friends that I don't see everyday.

Last night when we went to the Hospice Business After Hours it was such a joy to see so many people that I know and care for and to receive s o many hugs. I haven't felt that way about socializing in a long time. I thought I would never feel that way again. I have been crawling into my introverted Parkison shell that the doctors warn about.

And that has all changed. For now at least. Another gift MaryJo left behind.