AFTERMATH

AFTERMATH

What’s left when the tribe departs?

An abandoned high chair in the dining room;

One pink canvas shoe, a headband, a nightshirt.

An eerie quiet…faint echoes of giggles.

What’s left when anger is unleashed?

Broken friendships; common interests flying

Out the door, hurt spilling in the curb.

A simmering quiet…egos bruised…

What’s left that matters more ?

Love shared; forgiveness when asked;

Self absorbed thoughts parked at the door.

The joy filled quiet of inner peace.

Waiting

4:22 am. They were going to drive all night. Arrive early in the morning. So here I am, waiting. Worried about all the possibilities, praying them down the highway, knowing that they are usually later than they plan to be (traveling with 2 kids and dog that many miles...who wouldn't?).

How much of a mother's life is spent waiting? Forget their childhood; just think of all the times since they were independent. Date nights. Coming back from their Dad's, from work, from college, from their homes too far away.

Being reunited with a part of myself, my greatest accomplishment...no wonder I don't mind. And now there is this incredible bonus with the whole package; daughters to love and granddaughters to cherish.

The extra beds are made, the cookies are in the freezer, the toy boxes out of storage, the bath toys in the tub. The morning birds are chirping and rubber duckie and I wait for joy.

I don't mind waiting.

Simplify

What is so precious about our stuff? My house is small, the grandkids are coming, I need to put some things out of Greta's sight so I made the decision to get rid of some stuff.

Good decision; impossible follow thru. I can't say any of this stuff defines me or is essential to my life or is critical to the decor but the most I've been able to do is put some of the bigger plants outside for the summer.

And even if I do get rid of it that requires staying out of the stores so I don't replace it. And I thought it was just the younger generation that has been trained to be consumers. Clearly, I have more addictions that I have wanted to own up to.

I have this fantasy of living in a minimalist environment: stark and clean. Of course, this will free my mind to write creatively, and within a year I will be publishing my book of essays and peotry rich in life lessons and the photographer will come to take my cove r photo in my home, doing so in black and white to capture the simple elegance........

To sleep, perchance to d ream

Who has the answer to getting a nights sleep? It's getting worse. To sleep at 9:30..awake at 2 and can't fall back to sleep. tried yoga breathing, reading, solitaire (one of my not so secret addictions..computer Spider) and here I am at 5 pestering you good folks.

Too much running through my mind so I have to get serious about list making and getting things done. Tonight it is pending visit from kids, changing my will, breaking the sugar addiction ( I have many addictioins!) again, reorganizing parlor at church....today is clean up day... saving enough energy for grocery shopping, pending trip to General Synod...isn't this pathetic?

And then I realized I have not started ethical will which is what prompted this blog in the first place.

Back to the beginning...who has the secret to sleeping through the night? Handsome reward for the one who forwards the solution( and lets be realistic..I am divorced, 65 and have Parkinson's...nothing too far out, please).

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Happy to report the birth yesterday of my brother's fourth granddaughter. Sarah gave birth to 7lb.5 oz Sophia Gregga yesterday aftenooon in Virginia, less than 24 hours after her mother arrived from Ohio to supervise. Everyone healthy.
Richard continues to build his all female empire of worshippers that he loves to spoil!
Way to go, bro!

The Wonderful World of Medicine

I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past few weeks with a bad knee that wouldn't go away. I called for an appt. with the local knee guru, Milt Smit, who is considered a regional treasure for knee and hip surgery. Booked until the second week of JULY. There was a way, however (Dotty tells me this works for me because of my role at St. Mary's..maybe) I could see his PA and if he thought I needed surgery he would forward me on to Milt. First appt. they do x-ray and see PA. Based on his exam and xray he decides I probably tore miniscus ligament and need surgery, but orders me for an MRI a week later. When the day of that appt arrives one of the women calls and cancels my appt. with the PA and says Dr. Smit will see me the next day at 12:45, I ask her if this means I need surgery and she says yes. Given that Milt is seeing me right away I assume he feels I need surgery ASAP. Not good timing. The kids are coming late next week and I am flying out east June 22 for UCC General Synod in Hartford and then 5 days in Albany. My stress level running on high!

Dotty was right; I think Milt worked me in as courtesy because he said NO SURGERY
necessary! He drained knee (sounds worse than it was) prescribed anti inflammatory and said I could go back to working out, including treadmill or cycle, by Monday. And it feels better already. Three cheers for having clout with the docs.

Happy Mothers

Happy Mother’s Day

Motherhood, mothering,mommy

Not the same thing, no.

Motherhood is the institution, the calling,

The sacred club that sings its siren song to us.

Very few have the courage to resist

And those who do soon realize they have missed

The greatest challenge a woman can know.

Mothering, now that is not sacred at all.

It is not getting enough sleep, enough help,

It is nursing and serving and wiping and all

Those verbs that tire you out thinking about them.

Energy is the fuel of the mothering we do.

Mommy is the specialness, the scent of baby powder

And the joy of snuggling, the warmth and wrapping arms.

It is the essence of comforting and loving beyond

Any measure or description devised.

It is being the audience for your beloved.

And then we graduate to Nana

And, hurrah, start the circle all over again.

Total lack of discipline

Once again, I have let myself down. I have no excuse, except the usual ones: I am busy with saving the community (translate=committee meetings), housekeeping, reading good books, going
to doctors' appointments, business meetings (well, one actually), laundry...you see how feeble these are?

I have been wanting to write about an experience a week ago but not sure it was worthy of the time and effort. I received one of those mass mailings that listed all the reasons that explain the student shootings over the past few years starting out with the fact that we "kicked God out of the schools" and then ranted on about preventing school administers from "disciplining" students, letting girls get abortions without their parents knowing, allowing internet porn because we excused a President's immoral sexual behavior, etc, ad nausem.....you get the picture. Lots of sloppy thinking coorelating unrelated events and all coming back to not praying in public schools.

Normally I would just delete this crap, but it came from Dotty, who was passing it on to all the members of her book club(who later said she didn't read it first) and it came from one of those members. I am part of that group of single women who meet once a month and talk very little about the book; I am there more out of friendship to Dotty and I do like a few of the women in the group. However, I was so angry that someone I knew would send me something so offensive that I fired off a semi-devastating response tearing the piece's lack of logic apart bit by bit and requesting that I be taken off the mass mailing list of said friends. The originator of this right wing misguided rant responded questioning if I "believe". I am ignoring that response officially, but, for the record, no, I don't believe in a God who creates mass murderers becaus e we don't have our children praying to him in public school.

There. I feel much better. The next meeting of this group is at this woman's house....should be interesting for a change.

Growing old, Chapter 25

The latest medical adventure: spent the afternoon at the money machine known as O.A.K., the orthopedic practice here in town...about 12 doctors, their own x-ray, MRI etc. and so many patients that you are sure you are at a convention of crutch manufacturers. I was motivated to endure this by a "bad knee" that has been naughty big time for the last three weeks. Turns out to be a torn meniscus and I didn't even know I had one. I go back in a week for MRI; another week to see PA and then am allowed to make an appointment with the doctor (Smit) who would do the surgery that will improve said knee but cannot restore it to healthy youthful vigor.

It turns out that smoking speeds the destruction of these ligaments even though I quit smoking in 1980. It seems we continue to pay for our sins even when we have repented! As I find myself repeating too frequently growing old is not for sissies.....

Intentions

My natural laziness inclines me toward less and less accomplished by the end of the day, so I'm thinking if I share my intentions for this blog I may be motivated to do what I say I am going to do.
I have always wanted to be an essayist, jotting down profound thoughts and thereby passing on my wisdom and life's learning. (Actually, I think preaching sermons would appeal to me too. ) I think I've found the vehicle for getting this rolling...an ethical will. This is a document that shares and passes on what you think you've learned in life; like answering the question " tell me what you know for sure".
Now I know some of you are going to be thinking I'm obviously obsessed with death. I always have been but just don't talk about it. I doubt there's been a day in my life that I haven't been aware of my own death. Not that I think of it in fear. It's just there as an awareness that time is finite for me. Which is why I get angry with myself when I feel I am wasting time.
So, if you don't see my ethical will start to take shape here soon, nag me please.

Sidenote: my all comsuming project of the moment has been the crocheting of a crib blanket for my new great niece due to make her appearance May 20. A reminder of the great cycle of life...and I get slower as I get older so I am going to have to start these things much earlier than I use to.