moving

Today is the big change day; we will spend the first night in the condo..even though I closed the sale on Friday. A long story but we think it will be clean enough to sleep there.

Thank you for friends...we couldn't have done it without Carl and Margaret and Marv.

Patty and I were really looking forward to furniture shopping this week but we';ll be lucky to get everything in order. then Rich flies back Sunday and we head north on Monday.

I'm beginning to understand why some people prefer to stay here year round. It will be hard for me to go back to an environment where everyone is working all the time.

there is so much going on in the lives of my family and in my own .....I can/t process it all; no wonder i am writing this at 1:20 am1

Holdilng Pattern

I am numb from the hovering in one place.
Neither here nor there
I am in holding where emotions do not
Register, rarely reply.

Questions float in without answers
I am a monstrous question mark.
I know nothing,, no answers.
This is disconcerting, at least.

Why do I feel so alone in this?
I am alone, that is probably why.
I am surely in trouble now if
I am answering my own questions.

What is it about our nature that we ask?
So many questions especially when
the answer is the same to all
"It is because that's how it is".

My questions really reveal
My desire to control; why can't
I control this feeling and cease
the nothingness of waiting.

Rather, I give in to the sense
of suspension, holding pattern,
Caught between here and there
Numb to all, to myself.

a rainy day in Florida

Well, the first day of spring has come and gone and the weather pretty much stays the same down here.

I am feeling like I am walking around in a daze. Can't concentrate on anything, not even a good book. The reality of the condo is crowding all other thoughts. the fact that I did it; the work coming up to make it my own, the fact that Patty and I will be on our own doing that move, etc. I have all the paper work done and am ready for closing,

I am thinking of Tricia and her decisions; likewise, Carl's decision, but I can only wish for them thaat they find their true path.

I haven't done any writing and perhaps that is what I should be doing (blog doesn't count).

I think I'll take a nap.

Ha;\\\\

Only a few more weeks

this may be spring break and the beginning of Florida fun for a lot of folks, but for the snowbirds it's drawing to a close. it means saying good bye to a whole new set of friends and thinking about all the processes of shutting down one residence and going home to another residence and another set of friends.
For me that means friends who work and are not available to go boating, go bargain shopping, lie by the pool together or go out for lunch. That makes for a sharp contrast in my two lives. I'm hoping the trait they'll share is no winter weather. That's why I need to figure out a way to get down here in December next season.
Anyway, we're wrapping up group activities this week; today is last meeting of the writing group; I have only 2 more Sundays leading discussion, and there are no domino sessions scheduled with anyone.
Am I homesick yet for Kankakee? Not really.. It will be good to see everyone, especially at St,John. but I know I am looking at a lot of yard work and doctor's appointments. If I am homesick for anything it is seeing my granddaughters. Hopefully, that will be soon.

Surprises

Yesterday was a day of surprises for me. First I had to prepare my info for Mark to get my income taxes prepared. I will definitely be surprised if I don;t have to cough up a bunch extra, but I was surprised when I added up my charitable giving; it was higher than it's ever been which makes me happy that I could do what I did.

Secondly, we went on a boat ride with Carl and Margaret and for the most part I really enjoyed it. I didn't care about getting so close to the gulf and I didn't like going full speed but I was not as uncomfortable as I thought i would be.

And then the discussion around the dinner table surprised me, We got into a political discussion and Carl and Margaret and I pretty much share the same thoughts. Rich and Patty are about 180 degrees from us and our debate got a little heated at times but everyone was disagreeing agreeably and all parted friends, I think, Of course, no one changed antibody's mind but we are one of the few places in the world where we can talk freely and disagree with our government and each other and not be afraid to do so.
And we were disagreeing passionately!

Today we go to the Hess' for lunch and dominoes; these are friends who will agree with Rich and Patty so since I will be so outnumbered ]'ll keep quiet if we get into politics!

Big Deal

This really is a big deal to me. I realize it's right up there with the decision to end my marriage to Howard and move out on my ownl. That was scary and I was surrounded by friends nearby.. ...this time I am creating a new home and life for part of each year in an environment that I have only vacationed in.''

I am so glad that I booked for 3 months this year and not just because of the weather up north. That extra month has given me a sense of being a seasonal resident, not just on vacation. I know people think I am rationalizingwhen I say it is for my health, but I wish I could convey how much healthier I feel down here.

I have begun to build new friendships, mainly thru church, I will be only about 4 minutes from the Davis' although their schcdule requires a months advance booking!

I am establishing all the routine things that need to be in place for me to feel that this is also my home. I am very curious to see how i feel when i get back up north, I know that this is a big adjustment for Dotty but,, who knows. it could bring about a new pattern or friendships for her too.

In the spirit of my "wise old lady" self I am reserviing judgement on how thisi will all work; I just felt it was the right thing to do and the right time to do it,